On the morning of January 2, 2011 I was lying in bed feeling guilty about all of the eating and drinking I had done through the holidays. I thought about how such a lifestyle can increase cancer risk, and I found a lump in my right breast.
You know how cancer statistics refer to the five-year survival rate? I've been wondering lately from what point do you start counting the years. The day you find the lump? The day you estimate that the lump was born? The day of diagnosis? The day you start treatment? The day you finish treatment? Am I surviving right now? I have a friend who refers to post-cancer diagnosis as a period of "thriving".
To survive:
verb (used without object)
1. to remain alive after the death of someone, the cessation of something, or the occurrence of some event; continue to live: Few survived after the holocaust.
2. to remain or continue in existence or use: Ancient farming methods still survive in the Middle East.
3. to get along or remain healthy, happy, and unaffected in spite of some occurrence: She's surviving after the divorce.
verb (used with object)
4. to continue to live or exist after the death, cessation, or occurrence of: His wife survived him. He survived the operation.
5. to endure or live through (an affliction, adversity, misery,etc.): She's survived two divorces.
To Thrive:
verb (used without object)
1. to prosper; be fortunate or successful.
2. to grow or develop vigorously; flourish: The children thrived in the country.
None of these definitions seems exactly right, but if I had to pick one that best suits my situation, I might go with "survive" definition #2...Amy remains or continues in existence or use. I guess I have been surviving for over fifty years.
Well, that's not too helpful.
I hope everyone had joyful holidays. Mine were fairly joyful. The highlight was seeing twenty members of my family sitting around a single table in my own kitchen each with a plate of cold food in front of them. I was wishing that the food was hot, but the only way that could have happened is if there had been fewer people there taking turns loading up their plates. The cold food was a fair price to pay for a super crowded Christmas dinner table.
I am now thinking about our New Year's celebration. I guess it will be good to finish 2011 and start 2012. 2011 wasn't so good, but it wasn't so bad either. I learned a lot: about how to be a good cancer patient, about setting priorities, about how I am not alone and that I have dear friends and family members who are willing to make sacrifices just to help me out. I learned that I have lots more good luck than bad. I learned that you can lose members of your family, parts of your body, a lot of your energy...and still find stuff to laugh about. I learned to be even more grateful than ever for money and education which are mighty helpful things to have when you are sick, and that probably the most useful thing I could do with the rest of my life is to help other people who don't have those resources.
My New Year's plans include dear friends, precious family, food and drink, though in smaller amounts than in years' past. I will celebrate having earned some wisdom for living a full and happy, second(?) year of survival.
Sending you all lots of love and wishing you a peaceful, joyful and healthful New Year.
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