There have been several occasions since my diagnosis about a month ago when I was really enjoying the whole cancer-victim scene. Friends, friends of friends, family members, friends of family members, medical professionals, work colleagues, family members of work colleagues... were popping up everywhere to wish me well, send me gifts, offer assistance. That is a good feeling. Although it comes with a little drop of anxiety - why? I must be dying. They all know that I am dying and they are protecting me from the hard truth. But for the most part, it's been quite pleasant. No work, no chores, everyone waiting on me, asking me how I feel, and asking nothing of me. I sit around all day reading, writing, eating. A very restful vacation.
I do have to go to lots of doctors appointments. I hate going to the doctor. I get blood pressure readings like 180 over 100 when I go to the doctors. They think I am sick. I guess I am sick. But I don't really feel sick. Well, I'm kind of sore from having had about 5 pounds of bosom removed from my body. But I don't feel like lying in bed. Not sure what I feel like doing. The problem with going to the doctor is that they remind you that you are dealing with a life-threatening disease. At the doctor's office I think about pain, loss and dying. When I am at home, reading, cuddling with the dog or the husband, I don't do that as much. If I didn't have to go to the doctor, cancer wouldn't be so bad.
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